Il Dunce

Finally having a clear schedule after directing both the choir and the band at St. Spires’ Christmas Eve service, Dinkle has no time to rest as he prepares in today’s strip to march in the Tournament of Roses Parade with his fellow fans of fascist regalia band directors. Seems like this thing was announced years ago (about 6 months, actually), but I guess The World’s Greatest Band DirectorTM doesn’t need more than a week to prepare. He does, however, need a little help from the tailor… something Harriet realized 11 years ago (a time so long ago that Dinkle was watching recordings of his concerts on his flip phone).

What assuredly entertaining and engrossing things will Dinkle get up to in Pasadena? I don’t know, but it will be Spaceman Spiff who will guide us through them. Good luck and happy holidays!



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

31 responses to “Il Dunce

  1. William Thompson

    Dinkle should be altered, too. Is there a veterinarian in the house?

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Parades full of marching marching band directors, all in full band director attire…this is a glimpse into BatHam’s inner psyche and/or dream world, a glimpse I’d prefer not to have. It never stops getting weirder and weirder, either. Here’s hoping we see a LOT less Dinkle in 2022. I probably shouldn’t have said that.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      300 little junior dictators, marching around in their little dictator uniforms, mimicking what they do to other peoples’ children. It’s like something out of “Pink Floyd: The Wall.”

  3. spacemanspiff85

    “To march with the marching band of band directors” has to be one of the clunkiest things uttered by a character in this strip, which is really saying something.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s something only Batiuk could have written. Rumor has it if you say that sentence three times out loud, Dinkle appears in your bathroom mirror.

    • robertodobbs

      I had to forward that sentence to the Department of Redundancy Department.

  4. It’s actually not a bad joke. But Dinkle’s loathsomeness cancels it out.

    • Y. Knott

      Yup. In isolation, away from any previous strip? Wryly amusing. (If you can get past “To march with the marching band of band directors”.)

  5. Sourbelly

    “My uniform! I can’t forget this!” Indeed, Dinkhole, it would be astoundingly stupid for you to forget the thing you are going to wear in the parade you are preparing for. But thanks for expressing that inanity aloud so as to clumsily set up the punchline. That’s called writing!

    • Epicus Doomus

      He couldn’t think of a single way to work his band director costume into the scene without resorting to turning the character into a total imbecile.

      • billytheskink

        And he didn’t realize the uniform had been altered? Did Harriet just guess his measurements or did she cleverly employ a measuring tape as some part of their generally disturbing intimate life?

        • Epicus Doomus

          Ugh. Remember that Niagara Falls second honeymoon arc from way back when? Shudder. Dinkle is already tough enough to digest without adding that “randy old coot” trope into the mix.

        • Eh, she could have used the measurements from one of his other suits, if he’s recently gotten one that’s tailored to fit well. Or, yes, she could have made measurements while telling him she was altering, or having altered, some suit he wears regularly, and used that for his old uniform. I can’t fault Harriet for doing something clever.

          • Gerard Plourde

            Except that judging from the way Harry’s waistline has expanded he’s probably put on at least 50 pounds. There wouldn’t be enough surplus material in the jacket or the trousers to do an alteration. He’d need to get a larger uniform.

          • gleeb

            With respect, Mr Nebus, what other than uniform will Dinkle have had fitted?

    • Hannibal’s Lectern

      Whenever I hear Batty’s “It’s called writing!” thing, I am reminded of a childhood riddle:

      Q: if I call my thumbs fingers, how many fingers do I have?
      A: still eight. Calling thumbs fingers doesn’t make them fingers.

      …and calling what Batty does “writing”…

  6. J.J. O'Malley

    You know, I was never in band as a high school student, so I’m a little confused as the golden tubing and other paraphernalia under the arms of Dinkle’s uniform. Am I correct in assuming that it’s all part of the Arrakis stillsuit apparatus that collects and recycles Harry’s bodily fluids so that he doesn’t have to stop marching to visit the little band director’s room? That Southern California sun can be brutal, even in January, I’m sure.

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Look at that loving, photorealistic depiction of the parade logo. For all TB’s mistakes, he never gets that wrong, does he? The Noid was less of a shill for Domino’s Pizza than the Funkyverse is for Batiuk’s various benefactors. Brought to you by Kent State University, “Montoni’s” Pizza, the Ohio Music Educators Association, and Batman. And the worst part of it is, he probably isn’t even getting paid for it.

    • gleeb

      To be fair, I don’t think he’s ever mentioned the true name of Luigi’s in Akron, the Rubber City.

      I have never been, but it looks like the kind of crap Batiuk would like. Obvious and simple.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        TB has made it clear in his blog that Montoni’s is a stand-in for Luigi’s. And the strip sure namedrops Montoni’s like he’s plugging it.

      • Gerard Plourde

        He recently mentioned that the name Montoni’s comes from a now-defunct pizza place he frequented when he was a student at Kent State and the interiors are based on Luigi’s in Akron. And Luigi’s at one time wasn’t shy about acknowledging the connection.

  8. batgirl

    Harriet is so slavish to Dinkle. It’s gross.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    That “embouchere” strip is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    I do wonder how TomBa’s going to pad this out for a week.We’ve never seen Dinkle interact with his peers in the OMEA-related strips. Does the illustration in the masthead mean that Batton Thomas is going to attend the parade? What’s his connection?

    • gleeb

      The other band leaders will love him and follow his command as if they were dogs bred to it. Mark me.

    • none

      We have seen that interaction at least once in recent memory. though. It was some OMEA strip about him smirking about “speaking in measured tones” and the respondent pointing out that the lame pun was a lame pun.

      Yep, here it is:

      Most of the OMEA strips are zero effort outings featuring funny signs. He could easily extend that to random spectators holding up signs along the parade route. Dingle rolling his eyes at a shmoe holding up a sign saying “Why am I even here?” would be amusing. But no, let’s not prognosticate on what this week will be and put more effort into the strip than the author does, shall we? Right.

  11. Rusty Shackleford

    I know two people who are band directors and neither was aware of this salute to America’s Band Directors event. To be fair, only one of them directs a marching band. My casual inquiry will now lead to two more viewers of the event.

    Of course, neither one reads Funky Winkerbean anyways.

    Unlike Batty, who works in total comfort, these two have had to try to teach despite all the Covid restrictions and so I think they can be forgiven for not keeping up with what is going on with the Rose Bowl Parade.

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    Wow, Batty puts the same amount of thought into his website as he does his strips. Check out John Darling Take 299….the same as Take 297 he ran a few weeks ago.

  13. Hannibal’s Lectern

    I have just now realized that “Salute To America’s Band Directors” abbreviates to “STABD,” pronounced “stabbed.” Somehow, when thinking about Dinkle, I find this knowledge comforting.

  14. batgirl

    “hands-on-hips lectures, telling the trolls to be nice because of Christmas.”
    Citation needed, buddy. No such thing appears in this comment thread.
    Also, please post your real-person slashfic on a more appropriate site, assuming that one exists.

    • Y. Knott

      I appreciate the mods’ decision to remove the post. There is a difference — a massive difference — between snark and baseless, witless, homophobic invective.

      Thanks for being such a cool community!