Funk Them Kids

They laid Lisa Moore to rest in 2007, scattering her from Ohio to New York. It was a sad thing; so very sad that Tom Batiuk didn’t want to deal with it and have Lisa’s death drag the whole strip down. No sooner had she croaked than we were thrust a decade into the future. Les and the other Act I characters were now middle aged; 46-going-on-60. But they weren’t the only ones who’d aged up as Act III was promoted with a promise. It wouldn’t just be the old men and women getting the stories but their children as well.

That’s right…

It’s like an ad for a new totally radical syndicated Saturday morning teen show from 1994.

First off, I wonder who they got to do this art because these characters all bear only the vaguest of similarities to the characters from the comic itself. Second, we were indeed intended to be getting stories about the sons and daughters of the Westview High School Class of ’92 ’88 ’78 but as we’ll see, Batty eventually seemed to have his own ideas.

Why that is, who can say? In the last couple of years of he’d been getting some writing help from Sean McKeever, a comic book writer who’d been making a name for himself at Marvel on books starring teenaged and college-aged characters. His scripting duties (for I assume he was scripting based on Batty’s plots) included the Senior Skip Day story that started the Dopey/Jessica romance and I suspect almost all of the stuff with them was done by him as well as he’d also done the story about Darin learning that Lisa was his birth mother. I was, and am, a fan of the stuff he was doing for Marvel from that time period and a lot of those strips read like watered down versions of the kind of things he had been writing. McKeever, in an old interview from the COVID times, had said that Batty actually wanted to bring him on full time as a co-writer but by 2007 he’d just signed with DC to write Teen Titans which had been his dream book so turned it down.

I suspect that had McKeever taken up Batty’s offer, he would have been doing stories with the high school characters and without him Batty, who showed less and less interest in younger characters the older he got, just kind of shrugged. But he did still make an attempt at writing them which means it’s now time for the fourth entry in our examination of Summer Moore’s history.

The very first thing Summer gets up to is tagging along with her father on a trip to New York for the (first?) Lisa’s Legacy run.

Remember, he didn’t want the spectre of Lisa’s death hanging over the strip.

And tagging along is the right term because while she’s there, she’s just sort of around to throw in a comment or something. While in New York, the Moores meet up with Cindy who takes them to the grand opening of Montoni’s NYC location where Summer promptly gets hit on.

And we also get our first look at Act III Funky who’s become balding and fat.

Summer is having no part of Funky’s crap and frankly I’m right there with her.

In November we also get the reveal that she’s a jock as Summer takes the opportunity to make fun of her father. Also, her teammate looks like she could be the sister of that one balding kid from the final generation of WHS students.

Around this time is also when we’re properly introduced to the rest of the Funky Kids, the next generation who will theoretically be carrying the strip. Aside from Summer we have Jinx Bushka, adopted daughter of Bull and Linda Bushka. She’s introduced in a way that would make you think she’s a performative theater kid type but if she was that disappears immediately.

There’s Rana Howard, formerly Rana Winkerbean. Batty seemed keen on the idea that all the kids were the opposite of their parents so while Rana’s the daughter of a band geek and comic store owning dweeb, she gets to be the requisite Most Popular Girl In School right down to what I believe is stealing an old Cindy joke.

But on the flipside there’s Maddie Klinghorn who’s set up as being her father’s daughter. Except you’ll never know it because she gets absolutely zero focus and thus very little in the way of actual personality. Like even Jinx will get a couple of stories focused around her, Maddie gets absolutely nothing. She’s pure scene filler.

She’s got nice hair at least.

Rounding out the group is Cory Winkerbean, the bad seed. A big story throughout the first few years of Act III is how Funky’s focus on business has led to neglect of his family and so with the money that Funky provides but not the terrible puns, Cory’s turned out to be a moody troublemaker.

While it’s not directly related to Summer (yet), Mopey Pete Roberts (not yet Reynolds) returns to Westview having achieved the highest level of prestige in Batiukland: becoming a comic book writer. In this we’re also introduced to Maddie’s younger siblings Tyler and Abbey.

I am almost 100% sure that this is the only time in Act III that Crazy Harry’s other kids are shown or even mentioned. Donna was pregnant at the end of Act II which also makes this extra confusing. Because Maddie was born in 2003 but looks as if she’s a full decade older than her brother when at most it should be like 3 or 4 years. I guess it doesn’t matter because Batty memoryholed them but still, come on man.

It’s Christmas time and Summer, being 15, wants to go on a “solo car date” with a guy. Les responds to this in the way that only a loving father can: by laughing in his child’s face as if she’s the biggest moron on Earth.

C’mon Summer, slug him! Right hook! Shoryuken! Something! He’s wide open!

But Les caves and decides to let Summer have her date, and Summer gets back at him by laughing at him for being a dork and trying to explain the birds and the bees to her. As she says, she’s a teenager with the internet so presumably she’s already been exposed to at a minimum Naruto and Harry Potter slash fiction.

There’s nothing you can teach her that she hasn’t already learned from the writings of xXSasukesGrlXx.

All of this is just build up to her date showing up for one strip so Les can play the role of embarassing parent while turning it into a sappy Lisa tribute.

Oddly enough, this is also the last time that Summer is shown being involved in anything romantic, at least on her end. There’s other stories that involve boys having crushes on her but never again is she shown having feelings for another boy, trying to date or anything like that really. Why that is are things we can speculate on much, much later so we’ll just move on to Summer’s last significant appearance of the year.

Just before New Year’s, she’s shown joining her dad and his buddies for a game of football and naturally, like the true jock she is, can’t pass up the opportunity to bully her father for being a wimp.

Meanwhile, Funky’s smug grin is growing to cover his face like lichen on a large rock.

She also shows up at the beginning of the year having attended a party that Cory threw to further the story of Cory being Problem Child (1990) as he’d thrown the party while Funky and Holly were out of town.

She starts getting some attention paid to the fact she’s an athlete in February which leads to a week of flashback strips where she climbed up a tree…

…and Les got stuck going up after her.

Should have left him there. I’m sure he would have been fine.

March begins a story wherein she leads the JV team to the conference finals.

Which is, of course, against Big Walnut Tech leading to the first appearance of Keisha Williams and Summer showing that, as great athletes tend to, she can be both overly aggressive and a little conceited.

She’ll eventually be your mommy too, Summer.

And being that kind of athlete means she eventually decides it’s time to play hero ball.

Which of course works, bringing Westview its first championship since some time during the Act II days. The excitement is so much that it almost kills Les, though unfortunately “almost” is the operative word there.

A month later the trophy arrives at Westview as Les and Becky gush over how amazing Summer is. I believe this is the first of the comic cover homages which will become an Act III staple. Apparently this is also the last professional work of the great Jim Mooney who passed away a few weeks before this strip was published.

She also shows up for a Mother’s Day strip that naturally flashes back to Lisa.

There’s also a few debuts and returns around this time. First off is Summer’s half-brother Darin who returns to the strip in order to welcome back Mopey who’s going to be living in the apartment above Montoni’s as all young Westview men must do.

Also Mooch is there and then promptly disappears into the void. Should have brought him back for that L.A. fire storyline.

At the end of the school year, long time secretary and walking pile of nothing Betty decides to retire and turn over her duties to another woman. A transfer from Big Walnut Tech.

Cayla is here (and has yet to undergo her caucasoid metamorphosis) and she, and her daughter, will play a big role in Summer’s life going forward.

But already we can kind of see how things are going. Despite all the proclamations, a lot of that initial year or so of Act III is spent largely on Les, on Funky, on the adults in general. I didn’t mention it before for instance but at this time Les takes up a secondary job of becoming the new night manager at Montoni’s. A lot of time is spent on Funky being so focused on success that he’s letting his personal life and business go to shit while all his employees are beginning to dislike him.

Summer’s around of course and has yet to be completely sidelined (that’s for later) but aside from the month or so focused on her basketball prowess, around is all she really is. She’s just sort of there and that, I am sure, will bode well for her future usage under the Batty’s pen. That still puts her as better than Jinx and Maddie and at least she hasn’t disappeared into nonexistance like Crazy Harry’s other kids. Small miracles I suppose, but it’s a rather inauspicious start for humanity’s supposed savior.

Since we’re at the end of Summer’s freshman year of high school I figure that this is as good a place as any to leave off for now. We’ll take a look at how things go for her in her sophomore year next time.

Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects

We continue our look at arson suspects with the more serious candidates. Some names aren’t on either list, because they will turn up later in the story. But let me know if I missed your favorite.


SUSPECT: Cayla Williams Moore (suggested by: bewareofevehill)

PROSECUTION: The wife of Westview English teacher, Les Moore, and personal assistant to high school principal Nate Green. Cayla witnessed her husband defy her boss’ mandate that books on the school’s not-approved list are also not approved to be taught. Les confided in Cayla about the plan to distribute the book via bookstores. Fed up with Les’s overbearing ego, Cayla used that information in an attempt to frame him for the arson. The damage was intentionally small, because Cayla had no other dispute with Ms. McKenzie.

DEFENSE: If she wanted to use fire to rid herself of her husband, there are more direct approaches. Doesn’t anyone remember The Burning Bed? Continue reading “Murder In The Burnings: The Major Suspects”

You Don’t Have To Live Like A Refugee (More Predicted Funky Winkerbean Character Appearances In Crankshaft In 2024)

Don’t forget to vote in the 2023 Crankshaft Awards! Voting remains open for about another 5 days.

In Part 1 of this series, I predicted the seven Funky Winkerbean characters that will appear most often in Crankshaft in 2024. Here’s a recap of characters we’ve discussed so far, ranked by predicted most appearances:

  1. Mopey Pete Roberts/Reynolds (probability of appearing at least once in 2024: 99.9999%)
  2. Mindy Murdoch (99.9999%)
  3. Les Moore (99%)
  4. Dead Lisa (probability of being mentioned 99%; probability of actually appearing 20%)
  5. Dinkle (100%; has already appeared)
  6. Atomik Komix staff: Flash Freeman, Phil Holt, Darin Fairgood (55%)
  7. Pizza Box Monster (98%)

Dinkle’s off to a fast start, while Les and Lisa aren’t out of the gate yet. Continue reading “You Don’t Have To Live Like A Refugee (More Predicted Funky Winkerbean Character Appearances In Crankshaft In 2024)”

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Batiuk?

Hey! Remember when Act III was mainly about Les Moore’s struggles as the single parent of a precocious teenage daughter? Well, then, go visit “The Komix Thoughts” right now and check out BatYam’s ad for “The Complete Funky Winkerbean Volume 3”, which drops on January 2nd, just in time for the holidays! He thoughtfully included a few holiday themed “teaser strips” in that post (just go there yourself, I don’t feel like linking to it) featuring Summer’s stunning election to the sophomore Winter Court, and going shopping for dresses with her bearded simp of a father. Those strips really took me back, and likewise reminded me that maybe getting away from Summer wasn’t Batty’s worst idea ever.

r/IsLesTheAhole

Happy Turkey Day! I hope your Thanksgiving Day is full of loved ones, great food, and thankfulness for all the blessings you’ve received. If you’re capable of reading this message via the Internet, and have time to spend on this dead newspaper comic, you have a pretty good life compared to most people on this planet. So let’s all be thankful today. I’m thankful to have all of you in my life.

We have some Funkyverse news, from an odd place. In an offhand comment in my last post, I mentioned the YouTube channel Mainly Facts, which is one of many channels that read and discuss Reddit posts. A recent episode has some themes that will be very familiar to observers of Funky Winkerbean. It’s the first story of this YouTube video, and is about 8 minutes long. (Embedding is disabled so I can’t directly post it here.)

You really should listen to the whole thing, but here are the key details:

  • The male letter-writer was married to a woman named “Laura” (a pseudonym) who died of an aggressive form of cancer when they were 28.
  • He and Laura had a 10-year-old son.
  • He met a new woman named Kayla (implied not to be a pseudonym) at a “work event,” and began dating her.
  • Kayla admits she feels neglected, and that the letter-writer is using her as “a replacement for his dead wife.” Letter-writer is shocked to hear this.
  • Kayla begins wearing Laura’s jewelry, dies her hair like Laura did, gets clothes/piercings/tattoos matching what Laura had, and wants letter-writer’s son to start calling her “Mama.” Letter-writer finds this unnerving.
  • Kayla confesses she “felt she had to live up to the memory of a ghost.”
  • Kayla attempted suicide, later saying “maybe if I was dead too, (letter-writer) would love her even a fraction of how much he loves Laura.”
  • Letter-writer’s family tells him he should have been more attentive to Kayla.
  • Letter-writer wonders if he’s the asshole of the story, and if his family is right.

This is almost exactly Les Moore’s life story after Lisa died. He married a woman named Cayla, and then his dead wife became the centerpiece of their relationship. But in Funky Winkerbean, this was driven by Les, not Cayla. I think this story gives us some helpful insights about the Funkyverse:

It’s a great example of why Tom Batiuk’s approach to storytelling simply doesn’t work. Unlike stories in the Funkyverse, characters react to events in the story. Kayla perceives herself as being less important than the dead wife, and tries to rectify that. Funkyverse Cayla never does this. She’s perfectly happy to play second banana to Lisa, and indulge all of Les’ ridiculous demands. Even after Les’ Oscar “win”, which should have been the end of it.

This is unrealistic. Married people operate from the reasonable expectation that they are their spouse’s primary focus. Being a widower complicates things, but Les never made any effort to move past Lisa’s death. He wanted all the benefits of being married to Cayla, without any of the emotional commitment it requires. Which would ultimately cause problems in their marriage.

The real-life letter-writer’s story shows what a selfish craphead Les Moore is by comparison. If Les was a good person, this real-life story is what he would have done.

Unlike Les, the letter-writer comes off as pretty reasonable. He seems to have a healthy balance between honoring his deceased wife, and moving forward with someone else. The letter-writer’s story mentions going to therapy, and bringing his 10-year-old child as well, to deal with the shock of losing “Laura.” It’s not clear whether Kayla is overreacting, or if the letter-writer is inadvertently assigning too much importance to his dead wife. But you get the feeling there’s room for discussion, and that an otherwise good relationship can be saved.

The letter-writer is also genuinely concerned about people other than himself. He’s concerned about Kayla’s feelings. His child wasn’t comfortable calling Kayla “mama”, and he honored that. In the Funkyverse, Les did things like make his daughter read her mother’s rape journal, and forbade her from throwing out Lisa’s pointless VHS recordings. Ten years of not being allowed to move on from a parent’s death, and having no other adults in her life, would have damaged Summer. Not the “Lisa would be proud of the woman you’ve become” nonsense we got, as Tom Batiuk skipped ten years to avoid dealing with the situation he created.

CBH CUTTING IN HERE!

I second everything Banana Jr 6000k said about thankfulness. I’m so thankful for HIM. For his hard work while I’ve been busy with real life. And I’m thankful for this site. I’m so thankful for all of you commenters who have kept this place going. And I’m thankful for all your patience as harvest has pulled away my attention over the last couple months.

Also wanted to note that this year Cranky feels the need to name-drop Sam’N Ella’s Turkey Farm. Batty has spent the last year making a point of constantly name dropping old Funky Winkerbean references into dialogue with all the finesse of a bowling ball onto a egg carton. Like poor old Les constantly moping over Lisa and mulling over their past…he is tainting the living with memories of the dead.

ALSO also, the polymelic turkey joke is a rehash from 2016.

I leave it up to you guys if eight years is past the statute of limitations for self-plagiarism.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!