Tag: Morton Winkerbean

Happy Smirksgiving

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That is one long, narrow table.  And I assume that’s Rachel’s kid sitting next to her, even though I’m pretty sure he should be in high school by now.  He’s definitely going to be in my nightmares for a while though, the way he’s staring right at the viewer for some reason. He looks like he should be in a horror movie, where none of the people can actually see him.

Wally’s expression is also pretty uncomfortable, although it’s more of the incredibly smug variety then creepy.  I guess his expression is supposed to be saying “hey reader, look how awesome I am, having MUSLIMS at my (uncle/cousin’s) THANKSGIVING!  Isn’t this mind-blowing, and award-worthy?!  Damn, Tom Batiuk sure is one HELL of a writer”.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  🙂

Videocracy

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Yet another cutting and timely observation about This Darned Technology Today, courtesy of the BanMan, who’s never more than five or ten years behind these “modern trends”. What a lifeless, listless outing. What’s next, a gag about unreliable GPS directions? Or that annoying warning sound your car makes when the seat belt isn’t buckled?

I assume that’s Morty driving in Funky’s sepia-toned flashback, for what it’s worth. This joke is so generic it’s almost impossible to think of anything to say about it aside from the usual generic snark. It sucks, it’s boring, it’s stupid and etc. Thus far this car trip to Florida is every bit as tedious as we all assumed it’d be. Where the hell is Cell Phone Girl when we really need her?

Oh Yeah…THAT Guy

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All week he’s “Harry L. Dinkle”, now today he’s “that band director”. My God he’s made a mess of the dialog this week. I doubt there’s much of a risk of wild baton stunts with the Manorisms, seeing how they aren’t a marching band and all, but Batiuk never let logic get in the way of referencing a really old gag he left behind decades ago.

This has been mentioned all week but wow, the new guy has aged Holly by twenty five years at least, she looks like Morton’s mother today. Wouldn’t you think there’d be some sort of reference guide handy, one that lists all the characters ages and such? Why so matronly?

Well thankfully THAT’S over for now, time for me to step aside and turn the microphone over to…TF Hackett himself! Happy new year and see you in 2018!

Belief & Technique For Morton’s Nose

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“I can’t BELIEVE that no one at The Syndicate realizes that I’m just repeating the same sequences of words and re-telling the same old stories day after day after day! I know! I’ll make this one a one-paneler, tee-hee!”

I can’t believe someone pays for this content. Lifelong Westviewian fixture Funky suddenly doesn’t remember his legendary band teacher (and infamous local legend) Harry L. Dinkle, Holly is talking to Funky like he’s new in town and the Alzheimer’s patient is as sharp and quick-witted as ever. He retconned the entire strip just for the sake of re-telling that dumb Rose Bowl parade story, apparently just because he associates the new year holiday with the Tournament Of Roses parade, I guess. Then, after turning his characters into total imbeciles in order to shoehorn his dumb reference into the strip, he can’t figure out how to end it without resorting to pathetic filler, brainless repetition and a “hilarious old coot” gag on top. What a sorry display.

They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

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“Then Mr. Dinkle came into the girls locker room and told us to get “backwards dressed”. You know what, I’m beginning to think there might be something slightly amiss about that guy!”. And during the trip to Pasadena they vomited instead of eating and sat outside the bus, which of course was going in reverse. Then later in life you decided to re-marry so you chose the opposite of someone you liked and were attracted to then let yourself go completely instead of making an effort to be healthy. We get it.

BatNard should try writing these FW strips backwards, starting with an actual joke first then working his way back. That way perhaps one of them might eventually include one. Why are they letting Holly hijack Christmas (and Morton’s glory) with these inane and totally pointless Dinkle stories? I guess the idea here was to do a sort of “you wanna hear about Dinkle? Well, do I have some Dinkle stories for you!” kind of thing but absolutely no one was demanding more Dinkle stories so why he went off on this particular tangent at this particular time is beyond me. His endless need to constantly re-establish the basic traits of characters he’s been doing for forty-plus years is downright intelligence-insulting. Everyone already knows that Dinkle is an annoying nut who’s always capable of doing something wacky, there’s no need for unrelated characters to drone on about him for days on end.