Skyler – Page 6 – Son of Stuck Funky

Sarcastic Crapitude Test

“Test?”

“Yeah, some kind of school shit, I dunno. Well, gotta go, Pete and I are rolling out a new character today…Disinterested Dad, the father who’s real blase and half-assed about parenting. It’s partially based on real life!”

I get the feeling that “I passed the test!” is something Skyler will say less and less as he ages. Call it a hunch. How much more mileage is BatYak going to get out of “no child left behind”? He’s been milking that one for years now. It’s unfortunate that The Syndicate doesn’t have a “does anyone actually read this re-assessment test”, because if they did FW’s run would have ended in 1989 or so.

The Wearying

Link to today’s strip.

Wow, just look at that expression on Ann’s face in panel two. That’s the face of someone who has had it up to here with her step-son, and is about to use her step-grandson as a bludgeon.

Wow, so your “wife” is going all California on you. What a terrible dilemma for you. Sure wish I had your problems, jack-off. I’ve got to look after the obviously unwanted product of your sham marriage, as well as my disintegrating husband, so you can play with your Flash dollies.

There’s a definitely an unseen third panel here, with Skyler cowering in a corner while Dullard lies on the floor, his neck bent at an unnatural angle, and Ann standing over him, fists clenched white with rage.

Something With You

Link to today’s strip.

I can’t process Dullard’s sentence in panel two. It’s really awkward, and sounds like “Is it…your shoes? Is it a bug that landed on your…shoulder? Is it a bum sitting next to you? Is it your iPhone? IS IT YOUR MINECRAFT ACCOUNT?!?”

I assume he means “Are you in the emergency room because you are experiencing an emergency?” or shorter, “Is it you?” But, “Is it you?” would leave an awful lot of white space for a word balloon drawn a year ago, and I have to guess that this would be one thing that Tom Batiuk would feel embarrassment over.

Honestly, though, he really should feel embarrassment over the last panel. Dullard flies into a frenzy over learning that his child is in the emergency room– this is a natural reaction that any parent would have.

But any natural parent would have checked in on his offspring sometime in the last few months. A good parent would do this daily, at the very, very least. Instead of sweating over the cover art for the latest issue of The Inedible Pulp.

What I’m saying is that Dullard should slash his wrists and bleed to death…not so he can save his child, but so that the next Rip Tide – Scuba Cop can have realistic blood in the water.

Crimes of the Future

Link to today’s strip.

Commentator Gerard Plourde said yesterday–

Maybe we should be thankful that he hasn’t thought of massive “hilarious” arcs of Skyler turning Dennis The Menace and pulling Home Alone-type pranks on overworked Ann and enfeebled Fred Fairgood.

Well, Gerard, from your lips to Tom Batiuk’s ears! Hows that for service? Granted, it’s not much of a “prank” to exhaust your grandmother…hm. On second thought, for Batiuk that probably is one of the major pranks you can pull!

Oh, and Gerard, next time you make a prediction, try to work “Les Moore savagely beaten” in there somewhere.

And I’m Free… Freeloadin’

I am only going to focus on the positives in today’s strip.

Yessiree, just the positives today. Things like… uh… hmmm… well… Darin using “mom” to refer to the woman that raised him instead of L i s a. Yeah, that’s one! There is also… ummm… these two shmucks getting themselves soaked to the bone walking back to the Eaton Building because they naturally forgot to bring their umbrellas in perpetually sunny Cleveland. I can dig that.

So yeah, I’m only talking about the positive things today. You won’t see me mention any negative aspects. Nope, not a single one. I won’t mention at all how Durwood appears to have brought “Sky” back with him to Ohio solely so he could take advantage of his aging mother for free child care. I also won’t mention how he has put both his young son and disabled father in danger by working the only caregiver in their house to exhaustion. Nor will I mention how disingenuous it is for Durwood to talk about how important it is for “Sky” to be cared for while he is working after he just shot the breeze with Pete for who knows how long at an offsite coffeeshop on company time. No, I will not mention any of those things, only the positive stuff… the sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, safety, laughter, and skip to-and-fro.

Funny, I thought focusing on the positives would improve this strip. But alas, no such luck…