Today’s strip was not available for preview, so we’re diving into the archives. What was going on in the Batiukverse on May 1, say, 40 years ago? I’ll bet it was some relatable high school stuff: dopey students, stuffy teachers, Billy Carter, M*A*S*H, Galaxian, disco, the second oil crisis… something, anything far removed from this ridiculous multi-week Free Comic Book Day arc.
Yes, the computer later known as “Holtron” temporarily replaced Les as Westview High School’s hall monitor, (retroactively cardboard) machine gun and all, because Les was so bad at the job. It mused about keeping Klingons from sneaking off to the restroom to smoke (Holtron was into Star Trek and, apparently, Brownsville Station) and threatened a hall pass-less Funky with the desk-mounted machine gun. What a time to be alive.
Link To Today’s Strip
Unfunny premise + unfunny characters = unfunny gags. Connie wryly equates Morty’s sudden burst of altruism with a prescription drug mix-up, which strongly indicates she’s a born ‘n bred Westviewian too. The wryness of her delivery is a dead giveaway, like how New Jerseyans use “f*ck” as a noun, verb and adjective, often in the same sentence, typically while driving.
Now I don’t know whether Morty’s insurance covers it or if Funky’s footing the bill for it or what, but this Bedside Manor seems like a DELIGHTFUL place, all brimming with vitality, life, wisecracks and zany wholesome schemes courtesy of some of the most adorable old coots you’ve ever seen. It makes even regular Westview look like even more of a dump in comparison and it’s gotta be costing someone somewhere a pretty penny to keep housing the totally recovered Mort and his sidekick Connie there when there’s quite clearly nothing wrong with them at all. These are the things you find yourself wondering about when that day’s FW characters are talking about ordering an old catalog from the internet. Sigh.
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Mort has really exceptional hearing too, as he apparently overheard every morsel of Mindy’s tiresome maudlin babbling. The fact that he’s in a band makes his excellent hearing that much more remarkable. I wonder if Fred Fairgood ever stares from his window forlornly and wishes he was stricken with the fun, zany kind of debilitating illness Morty got instead of the shitty one he ended up with. I’d say it’s a near certainty.
Anyhow blah blah blah, multiple days of characters talking about using the internet…let the wry times roll, eh? They’re gonna buy this rare old catalog, give it to Crankshaft…and then what? Does he die happy (ha)? Does he drool all over it? Given how decrepit Act III FW Ed is, I don’t see many other possibilities there. No one can romanticize old junk quite like BatSnore can. Shitty old comics, decoder rings, VHS tapes, old catalogs, I bet his garage is a real mess.