Tag Archives: not how movies are made

The Wrong Hair-ku-lor

Using every word
Today’s strip‘s whole dialogue
Can make a haiku

“The hair color is
wrong isn’t it?” “I believe
The next line is yours.”

The wrong hair color?
Looks pretty darn close to me
Not that viewers care

Masone’s Les costume!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Good grief that’s funny!

Oh man, that hairpiece!
Did some poor fellow mold it
From latex and tar?

Maybe that’s not it
Maybe that is matte black paint
On Bull’s old helmet…

Why is Les quiet?
He wanted accuracy
Now he’s getting it

Not a good start here
This flick is gonna be bad
Worse than Money Plane

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Don’t… please, don’t!

Praise be! Les has been rendered speechless in today’s strip!

There were those who said it couldn’t be done… heck, I was one of them, but here we are. I can’t say I’m not relatively grateful to start my blogging stint off with a strip where Les doesn’t speak. Such strips are as rare as Pete and Durwood being productive, so I’ll note them.

That said, I’m not sure why Les is reacting with such slack-jawed shock at the sight of MariLisa. He’s seen Lisa so so so many times since her death, and I’m not even counting the thousands of times he probably watched those dang videocassettes, so how is this in any way weird for him?

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People Don’t Love This

today’s strip

Okay, we get it. China China China. The sole reason Lisa’s Story can’t be made is because the Chinese can’t appreciate true art. Why did we need a SECOND week to hammer this point home?  I would love if someone in this strip just came out and explained why the Chinese can’t appreciate the beauty of Lisa’s Story, but of course that would take effort and possibly be controversial.
“They Are Them” is just a terrible “parody” or whatever you want to call it of “This Is Us”. It sure sounds like a Cold War paranoia thriller, or a body-snatcher movie. It’s also pretty much nonsensical and something I don’t think anyone’s ever said. Also, Mason, This Is Us-sorry, They Are Them-is a TV show. Movies are different than TV shows. American Idol was huge. The same concept as a big budget movie would be terrible.
Why is Les at these meetings again? Mason is incapable of convincing anyone to make this movie, and Les is just sitting there quietly. And he’s probably getting paid for this, somehow.

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All Strung Out on Heroine

If nothing else, today’s strip sheds a little light on why Mason struck out with those guys at Mixmaster: it was their “practice pitch.” Because there are no other ways to rehearse and refine an important presentation that don’t involve humiliating yourself and wasting other people’s time. Mason compounds his folly by daring to smirk at the mention of St. Lisa, and draws a withering rebuke from Les. A cancer superhero?  How dare you, sir! What twisted mind would ever even conceive of such a thing?

 March 4, 2007:

July 1, 2007:

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Dos de Mayo

This week has been has consisted of nothing but these two poorly drawn, hipster jerkoffs disrespecting Les and his cancer saga. Les and Mason meekly just sit there and take it, and in the process demonstrate that the Clone Brothers are absolutely correct that nobody needs this kind of “entertainment,” especially right now. Way to “pitch,” fellas. Tom Batiuk and the formerly capable, now indifferent draughtsman Chuck Ayers somehow get paid for dragging this crap out, but I do not…I’ve spent all the disdain I can muster for this horrible week of strips. Hopefully Sunday will be a one-off that will be worth getting into a froth about. In the meantime, dear readers, please have at it. Thank you for reading and commenting and for sharing the pain.

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Diss Master

Again: why is this meeting even taking place? Aaron and Marc, the Clone Brothers, knew that Mason wanted to make “a depressing film about a woman dying of cancer,” yet saw fit to waste their time and their sparkling water in order to tell Les to his face that this project was a no go. This whole sequence harkens back to that time that Les and Susan Smith had to face a bunch of angry Westview parents over Susan’s choice of Wit for the school play:

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Just Yuan Me

Even more disconcerting than their hoodies is Marc and Aaron’s penchant for completing each other’s sentences. So much to pick at in today’s strip. Has anyone else ever encountered this usage of “bank” as a verb meaning “to make money”? Must be some new lingo. Unlike “gangbusters,” a word that dates back to the Prohibition Era. And the SJ sequel Rise of the Zeton Warriors hasn’t come out yet? It was filmed concurrently with the first Starbuck Jones movie, which had its premiere over two years ago.

Hitorque
April 29, 2020 at 3:31 am
If Les is so hell-bent on “telling his story properly” and staying pure to his vision regardless of box office gross, why isn’t he seeking out the indie arthouse filmmakers…??

Right! If “everyone knows that China is where the money is, why is Mr. “I’ve Been To So Many Pitch Meetings I Can Predict What People Say” (h/t Banana Jr. 6000) wasting his time and everyone else’s with this pitch? I thought this was about making this movie “the right way“, not about making “bank.” Finally, somebody help me parse the punctuation in the second panel: “And that’s the problem…!” Ellipsis, exclamation point. I’m reading it as “And that’s the problemmmmmMMMMMM!

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In A World Where Les Is A Hero…

Link to today’s newspaper vandalism.

Well, apparently Tom Batiuk saw “Stan and Ollie” last year, and liked it enough to have it still playing eleven years in the future.  (Your time jump, Batiuk, not mine.)  The fact that he liked it makes me think it isn’t worth seeing, but I’ll try not to let his taste color my viewing habits.  Who knows?

As for the rest of this, movies are made this way only in the most imbecilic fantasy wish-fulfillment worlds.  The real world is nothing like this; the idea that Mason’s cellphone picture would be digitally altered for the big screen is really dumb, unless he’s planning on making an entirely green-screen film like The Amazing Bulk.  Which wouldn’t surprise me in the least, given the “talent” that abounds in this strip (and behind it).

Preproduction for movies is generally nothing but drudgery, so it’s not a bad idea for Batiuk to make it seem somewhat interesting or even romantic.  What is a bad idea is having Les Moore in your story–that turns it right back into drudgery.

It does turn out that Mason has a hidden superpower–he can lean way over and not fall on his face.  Boy, wouldn’t that make a satisfying third panel?  Especially if his cellphone broke and a piece of the screen lodged directly into Les’ throat.

Now I’m all miffed that this didn’t happen.

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