Tag Archives: porch swing

Dead Scripts Tell No Tales

Today’s strip

I’m not sure if Tom Batiuk is being subtle or it’s just random, but it does look as if two people are bearing away a casket to be buried, doesn’t it?

Writing can be a difficult process, but I don’t see how Les is having problems here.  As has been pointed out many times already, Les has already lived the story.  He wrote the book.  It’s not like he has to think up an ending.  All he has to do is break it down into a script format.  But–I don’t think he wants to anymore.  I think he’s looking for an excuse, any excuse to say “Sorry, I tried, but I just can’t do what Hollywood wants.”  This, you’ll remember, for a first draft overdue by several months, naturally.

See, I believe that he’s been re-reading the book, and he’s discovered something.  He’s now thinking, My God, this book is terrible.  What a really poorly written book.  What leaden prose, what an insufferable narrator.  This would make a truly dreadful movie.  And he imagines his name on television, exposing his lack of talent to a much vaster audience than the book ever had.   Lord, what have I gotten myself into?  I’ll never be able to show my face again.  I can’t believe anything this bad was ever published.

Us neither, Les.  Us neither.


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A Lot Les

Today’s strip

BChasm here once again, despite what the byline reads.  Monday’s strip was not available beforehand, but I guessed that we’d continue with Holly’s attempt to amass a complete collection of Starbuck Jones comics to send to Cory.  And I guessed wrong!

Tom Batiuk goes back to the only character he truly loves.  I was thinking that if there are seven Starbuck Jones covers, that means seven weeks of Holly looking for comics.  I could not imagine a Funky Winkerbean arc lasting that long; I fear my eyeballs would shrivel in their sockets by week four.

I think that perhaps Tom Batiuk thought the same thing.  Or at least, he thought he couldn’t do without Les for that long.  Anyway, today we have Les, the World’s Greatest Writer, whining about how hard writing is.  I’m hoping he’s building a gallows so he can hang himself.  Hey, can’t hurt to hope, right?


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Dimming of the Day

I hope everyone enjoyed Epicus’ guest stint these last couple
of weeks! Tune in tomorrow when
Beckoning Chasm
takes a turn in the SoSF wheelhouse.

I was tempted to go with a “dark/light” theme in the post title, but thought better of it. Whatever other complaints can be laid at Batiuk’s doorstep, he’s always presented the biracial aspect of Les and Cayla’s relationship in a matter-of-fact style (of course, his eradication of almost all her racial characteristics is another story). But Cayla has spent most of her nearly five years with Les competing against rivals living (Susan) and dead (Lisa), while Les remained completely oblivious to her devotion. That’s why when TB decides to show Les and Cayla getting romantic, it just rings totally false.

Notice Les’ face in panel 2: instead of a contented smile, he offers a haughty, sidelong glance as if to say, “Good Lord, woman, what are you talking about now?” Cayla is observing the end of Daylight Savings Time (Crankshaft is observing it too, in a strip that at least tries to be funny). Les musters what little charm he possesses, and he shares with his Cayla what he likes about the early dusk: it allows him to sit with her in the dark and imagine he’s with Lisa.


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Option is Not a Failure

It’s your agent…” …Ann Apple, whom we’ve not heard from in over a year and a half, which time Les has apparently spent preparing himself for a letdown. Before Apple Annie can even give the reason for her call, he launches into his concession speech. Silly Les!

I’m pleased to announce that this Tuesday, April 9th is Son of Stuck Funky’s third anniversary! Let’s give away a book! Be sure to check back here Tuesday for a chance to win a copy of The Complete Funky Winkerbean, Volume II!


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Roadwork Ahead

Okay…just shoot me now. Funky arrives at Moore Manor for what I expect is the beginning of this year’s Lisa’s Legacy Run story arc. On the plus side, today’s panels at least are cheerfully colored; a nice change after yesterday’s dismal scene. On the minus side: I may be forced to add tags for “Les’ blue Kent State T-shirt” and for every time a character uses the phrase “I rest my case“.

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Epicus Doomus
August 4, 2012 at 1:08 am
Welcome to Westview, where every experience, regardless of how exciting or profound it may have been, is reduced to block-headed, witless remarks and stupid smirks. What a bunch of pathetic, soul-less cretins.

Don’t know if Epicus peeked ahead at today’s strip before posting that comment about yesterday’s, but it certainly holds true! Les is positively giddy to be back on his porch swing. Cayla’s excited too; in fact, in panel 3 she’s looks like she’s about to slide off her seat. When asked to share the “wisdom” they’ve gained on their trip, naturally dad and daughter offer the most mundane, snarky comments about their experience. Whatever.

Note that Dan Messina (who never did respond to my email) gets a shout-out in the last panel. “Boon companion”? More like buffoon companion. I hope he appreciates his friend Tom Batiuk portraying him as a hapless twit.

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Summit Do, Summit Don't

A pair of socks? You shouldn’t have. No, really: you shouldn’t have.” Funky gleefully presents his contribution to Les’ arduous endeavor. Good idea keeping the slip, though. I’m sure that if Les doesn’t make it to the summit, the store will be only too happy to give you a full refund for a pair of used, dirty, unpackaged socks.

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(Year)book of Revelation

Nice eyebrows,

This is going nowhere good. File that statement under “grammar constructs an English teacher would never use”, and also under “to be said at the beginning of every FW story arc”.


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Doing More with Les

It’s revenge, that’s what it is. After Summer’s blew out her knee, did Les seek out the top physical therapists to guide his daughter’s recovery? Nope. Bull showed up to volunteer, and Les stepped aside and let him have at ‘er. Summer and her knee have never forgotten this. So she’s enlisted Bull to give her Dad some personal “training”.

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99 Percent Bullshit

Hoo boy—she is mad, too! Just look at her little fists clenched in front of her. This is the strongest display of emotion we’ve seen from Cayla in a long time!

Now that he’s put “the intolerant” of the world in their place, the un-didactic Mr. Batiuk takes a(nother) swipe at those wicked Wall Street Billionaires, who in Cayla’s mind have somehow (how, exactly?) made college tuition difficult to afford. Les soothes her by relating an anecdote that Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. had shared in his commencement address to Rice University’s Class of ’98:

I’ll pass on to you what another Methuselah said to me. He’s Joe Heller, author, as you know, of Catch 22. We were at a party thrown by a multi-billionaire out on Long Island, and I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel to realize that only yesterday our host probably made more money than Catch 22, one of the most popular books of all time, has grossed world-wide over the past forty years?”

Joe said to me, “I have something he can never have.”

I said, “What’s that, Joe?”

And he said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”

Let’s don’t quibble over the distinction between having “the knowledge that I’ve got enough” and just “enough”. Cayla expresses to Les her concern over the expense faced by their soon-to-be-blended family, and Les’ idea of easing her mind is to (mis)quote a writer, because writers are wise and all-knowing. Billionaires, on the other hand, are “greedy, amoral morons” who fuck things up for decent folk like “us”.

From April 2010:

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