Tag Archives: alcohol

Pod, Grant Me the Serenity…

Please gaze longingly out the window embracing the ghost of a loved one while waiting for the first strip of the New Year to drop. Happy, happy, snarkers.


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Did I Forget to Mention, Forget to Mention Memphis?

Home of Elvis and the ancient (band) geeks…Holiday greetings snarkers! It’s TFHackett, guest authoring for guest author SoSF David O.

A Sun session that lasted til sunrise, followed up with a night of fights and gunplay, finally catches up with the gang. Dinkle’s relieved to find the BM’s are nestled all snug in the van, ready for the 700-mile jaunt back to Westview. Sadly, fatigue will soon overtake Harry Dinkle as well; he’ll nod off behind the wheel somewhere along I-40 North, and all will be killed in the crash and subsequent explosion of Carl’s leaky oxygen tank. Thank you, Santa!


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i h8 u ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

In today’s strip, T-Bats reveals the underlying dynamic of Westview: Everyone hates each other.

Seriously, an entire cast of people who think their own families suck! What a joy it must be to know Tom in real life.



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[[Jarring Intensifies]]

Link to today’s strip

“Hey, (insert FW character here)! The production needs (marching band music/a one-armed woman/a service dog/an insane old bus driver/an old-timey front porch with a swing) for a big scene! Why sure, your (wife/husband/kids/friend) can be in it too!”. It’s been his plan all along, that diabolical bastard.

Epicus Doomus

I sure am glad that T-Bats is doing this whole Starbuck Jones thing; it’s wicked educational. I had no idea that making a film was so seat-of-the-pants. I thought locations were scouted months in advance so that everything would be ready by the time shooting started.

Aw yiss! What high school wouldn’t want a film production taking place during graduation? Stupid-ass selfish kids, thinking that the ceremony was about them. What a bunch of entitled little bastards. Maybe they can get Mason to give the commencement speech, and Cliff Anger can hand off the diplomas.


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Auld Lang Shite

What the hell is in that bottle? I thought Funky only “toasted” with real toast these days. Well, the last strip of 2015 will certainly lend credence to the “Tom Batiuk is trolling the hate-readers” theory. Why else would he have the titular character grinningly offer such a grim salutation, even ironically? And if Funky is trying to be funny, he’s the only one in on the joke; everyone else looks either surprised or dismayed.

To be fair, Funky’s entitled to his gloomy outlook. After all, Les has his inflated ego and submissive wife to indulge him. Crazy Harry’s underemployed and loving it. This year, Darin, Pete and Cindy all lucked into exciting careers on the West Coast, and Cindy (Funky’s ex-wife) is engaged to a movie star. Cory Winkerbean’s back stateside and is also planning to get hitched. Bull’s Scapegoats enjoyed a perfect football season. The only arcs involving Funky dealt with his sending Montoni’s band box out to be repaired, and having him relive the Montoni’s bowling team’s victory (a decade ago) over Crankshaft’s team. The rest of his life consists of running the pizza parlor, jogging with smug Les, chauffeuring Cory to and from the airport, doctor visits, and humiliation at the hands of his personal trainer. Our slow shuffle to oblivion indeed. Pick up the pace there, Funkman.

Well, dear friends, as 2015 draws to a close, please accept once again my well wishes on behalf of the team. Cheers and Happy New Year!


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Chill de Wine

October 6, 2015 at 7:44 am
Cindy should be in her mid-50’s based on the old strip where Batiuk has them as the class of 78 at a reunion…

That’s how I had her pegged, too, but according to the FW Wikipedia entry, “[in] 1992, Batiuk rebooted the strip, establishing that the characters had graduated from high-school in 1988.” In any event, it’s doubtful that Batiuk knows or cares. So let’s split the difference and say Cindy’s, oh, 50. What’s never been estabished is Mason’s age. Come to think of it, about Mason we’ve learned very little, beyond the fact that he’s anxiety-prone, superstitious, and rather gullible. And today we learn that he’s also something of a philosopher, if not a wine snob.


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Spill the Whine

To his credit, Mason allows the dinner discussion to turn to Cindy and her plans, and unlike Funky, does so without being condescending. Given the opportunity to discuss her pressing career concern with someone who actually seems interested, the woman who bailed on her alcoholic first husband instead raises her glass with a tiny hand. Guess these days it’s Cindy who’d “rather have a drink than a discussion”!


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