Tag Archives: green pitcher

The Water Boy

I thought for a minute that “the little boy in booth two” was Rachel’s son Robbie, whom we’ve not seen since January 2011.  Nope, he’s just another luckless Montoni’s customer. Meanwhile, our old friend the green pitcher features prominently in today’s story!

Snarkers, tune in tomorrow as @Oddnoc (a.k.a. Withering Heights) begins a guest-hosting stint!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

What the Heck Do We Care?

Now you know how many ‘holes it takes to fill Montoni’s Pizzeria.

July 10, 2013 at 11:50 pm
Okay, folks, place your bets:
Halle is drawn in the background of a Sunday spread in a listless nod to continuity: 6/1

Does Halle Dinkle’s presence here qualify as a “crossover” if nobody knows about her comic strip? She’s the one helpfully holding up a placard-sized “Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad” card. There’s another unfamiliar face in the crowd, above Dinkle’s head, whose identity will be revealed Friday (as an afterthought; TB’s just giving a shout-out to one of his music friends). Rachel’s been made to don the dreaded red apron but Wally (and his wonder dog Buddy) have been permitted to mingle with the invited guests. I would give Dead Skunk Head John a hard time for showing up in a t-shirt, but hey: we’re in a pizza parlor.

Get ready for another guest blogger: starting Monday, it’s the snark stylings of Beckoning Chasm!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky


Congratulations to Harry and Harriet Dinkle on their fiftieth wedding anniversary! Say, Harry: between your teacher’s pension, the proceeds from your multi-volume autobiography, and the royalties from your compositions, I bet you’re planning a really special surprise for the Mrs. Maybe a cruise, or a trip to Europe, or a…a party at Montoni’s. Yes, Harriet will be surprised, all right: surprised at what a cheap bastard she’s been married to for fifty years.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Threat Level Lisa

Link to today’s strip

YouTube (registered trademark, BTW) better upgrade their servers, pronto, before Boy Lisa follows through on his “threat” and crashes them with the tens of hits that video would certainly generate. Some arch-villian Frankie turned out to be. Ditto for his doughy henchman White Lenny, who is a real wuss compared to Black Lenny, who at least knew how to lean menacingly. Derin would have probably gotten the same results by simply throwing “Lisa’s secret journal” at them. Those corners do hurt, you know.

OK, so who had “they make a video of Summer reading random pages from her dead mother’s thirty-something year old journal that just happened to be discovered exactly when it fit into the story which forces Frankie and Lenny to give up when they threaten to air it on YouTube” in the “how does this arc end?” pool? Once again TheMaster finds the least-interesting, most random, nonsensical and totally balls-out stupid way of “crafting” a story that took what seems like a hundred weeks to tell. No one can predict what he’ll do and quite frankly I don’t think he even knows until he pens it. This whole story reads like he jotted it all down on a napkin while heading to the bathroom at 5am after a big craft beer, Seroquel and Nyquil bender. Like every other FW story does. It’s amazing, uncanny and totally inexplicable.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Prayer For The Sneering

Link to today’s strip

I’m admittedly as beady-eyed and nit-picky as anyone here at SoSF, so maybe my opinion is somewhat skewed. That said, Lisa’s silly little “prayer” comes across as being rather selfish and short-sighted to me. After all, how did she know back then what would become of Frankie? Perhaps he would have changed his ways and become, oh I don’t know, an ordained minister or a first responder hero or a devoted family man or whatever. Typical Lisa…me me me, always self-absorbed in that annoyingly cloying way she had (and still has despite being dead). In any event, as Nelson Muntz might say, “Haw haw! Your prayer went unanswered!”.

So what did Frankie do, exactly, to merit this non-stop sneering and eyebrow-cocking? His attempt to “cash in” on one of Lisa’s many tragedies? Les did it a few times. Cayla was practically boinging off the walls when the movie check arrived. Summer even went as far as to suggest a 3-D version of “Lisa’s Story”. What makes that any different? I get the feeling that any “outsiders” who dare to enter Westview get chased to the city limits by a group of pitchfork-toting sneering fat guys wearing pizza shop smocks in an old-fashioned car as “Dueling Banjos” plays in the background. What a bunch of hostile pricks.

But forget all that nonsense, as none of it matters anyway. The big news today is that Montoni’s appears to be selling T-shirts! I simply MUST have one, although because I’m not a XXXXL I doubt they’d be carrying my size. If Batom doesn’t start hawking these on his site he’s both lazy and stupid, because he’s sitting on a gold mine with those.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Pierce a Pizza

While TB is clumsy at portraying genuine affection (think of any scene involving Les being romantic toward Cayla), when it comes to smarminess, he’s got that down pat. Frankie embraces Darin in panel 3 like a boa wrapping itself around a feral pig. Darin recoils as Frankie’s leering mug looms mere inches away from his own, exhaling a vapor of sour coffee, generic cigarettes, and last night’s beer.


Filed under Uncategorized

Chamber Made

Chamber of Commerle?” Oh, Chamber of Commerce! Well, Funky is the president of the local chamber, so it makes sense that he would try and solicit John as a member. Just think of the networking opportunities with the many other businesses in town: Jitters Coffee Shop, Citizen Khan’s Deli, the Village Booksmith…oh wait, they’re closed.

Epicus Doomus
March 7, 2013 at 12:26 am
…in addition to being the slovenly middle-aged owner of a dingy little comic book shop, John is also an undisciplined, scheming, disrespectful lying little shit as well.

Undisciplined for sure, and you can add “clueless business owner” to that description. Business at the Komix Korner may have seen a slight bump with the addition of a comic book sommelier to the staff, but John clearly operates the place as a clubhouse for his teenage boy buddies, and thinks himself daring for refusing to interact with fellow business owners.


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Crazy Got Back

Given Funky’s complete lack of empathy, the bright side here would not be Crazy Harry being spared back pain; rather, Funky would be spared having to listen to his old friend complaining about it. If the Funkman wins back the Least Likable Character crown from Les Moore, why, that’ll just be the pot o’ gold at the end of the tunnel.


Filed under Uncategorized

Crayzito Finito

Since today’s strip does nothing to move the story along, let us attempt to get at the genesis of “finito binito [sic]”:

Finito Benito
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Finito Benito comes from the North American Aviation B-25J Mitchell Medium Bomber airplane named “Finito Benito Next Hirohito.”  This B-25J bomber was attached to the 12th Air Force, based in Naples late in World War II.

The name Benito refers to the Italian dictator, Benito Mussolini. Hirohito refers to the name of the Japanese emperor during World War II. Italy and Mussolini fell in 1943 while Japan and Hirohito fell in August 1945…[t]he name…was painted in red on the upper surfaces of the wings, as opposed to the usual placement on the nose of the airplane.


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