Tag Archives: that stupid Batman shirt

Ownly the Lonely

It’s possible I’m forgetting this, but I thought Atomik Komix published things like Amazing Mr. Sponge? Didn’t Chester buy the rights to the old Batom titles and is making new comics of them? So therefore they’re not creator owned at all? It’s possible I’m confusing this, but I thought that’s how it was.
I like that apparently Ruby literally had to give up her seat to Phil. She’s being honored for her career achievements, but a random guy shows up and steals her thunder and her chair. This is extremely on-brand for Batiuk.

Oh, and Phil hated his career, and producing comics is misery.  What else is new.

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Lines, Am I Right?

Okay, so Ruby drew 45 issues of a comic book. (I can’t be the only one tired of fictional characters bragging about writing fictional comics, can I?) That doesn’t really answer the question of why the other five people with her get to cut in line, too.
When you’re reading something totally fictional, coincidences aren’t really that remarkable. Like, if these were real people and this was something that really happened, then it might be amusing if someone criticized the creator of a character on their t-shirt. But given that Batiuk can write whatever he wants, this really isn’t funny or interesting, at least to me.
I wonder if Batiuk has tried this at conventions he’s spoken at. I’m pretty sure it would have to be all in his imagination though, since I really doubt someone would be wearing a Funky Winkerbean shirt anywhere.

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I actually already named a post on here “Bored on the 4th of July” but I’m using it again, OK

Well there is nothing that says “Happy 4th of July!” like today’s strip, where Crazy and DSH take turns playing one of Scott Adams’ most/least beloved tertiary Dilbert characters. It’s got everything you would want to celebrate America’s birthday: a close up of DSH’s gaping maw and blackhead-pocked nose, bricks, people not working, Domo, people complaining about having to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, a store with not a single customer shopping… Like I said, everything!

Have a safe and happy 4th everyone.

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Dropping Mad Dimes

Link To Yesteryear

I’m amazed that this tedious anecdote amazes John, who’s literally surrounded at all times by thousands of vintage comic books that have the prices printed right there on the covers. On top of that the whole town is overrun with legendary old comic book codgers who just stroll right on into local comic book businesses and freely share comic book anecdotes with nary a second’s worth of thought. Not to mention the fact that he’s like at least fifty years old himself. Yet there he is, stunned by the buying power of a dime back in 1946 or whatever. Why, if I didn’t know any better I’d have to conclude that this John character is something of a total imbecile.

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Akron Zip

Link To Today’s One

Im·pe·ri·ous

  1. assuming power or authority without justification; arrogant and domineering.

So I suppose that a Rexall pharmacy COULD be “imperious”, I guess. Once again I know exactly what he was going for here but once again it doesn’t make it any less baffling. “My grandparents lived in Akron and there was a Rexall two blocks away”…how hard was that?

“Holy temple”…”sacred texts”…OK sure Thom, whatever you say. Once again we see BatYam venerating the most mundane aspects of things he loves the most, just like last week. I mean I remember where I bought my first copy of “Love Gun” but you don’t see me getting all nostalgic over going to Crazy Eddie‘s. It’s where they sold the records. The store was the facilitator, a means to an end, not the primary focus. Of course I liked going there, as it was where I’d buy the stuff I liked.

But it’s never that easy for Westviewians. They can’t just buy pizza, they have to immerse themselves within a whole complicated pizzeria experience full of old jukeboxes and whimsical band boxes with colorful local characters exchanging wry banter all over the place. And they can’t just buy a comic book, they have to enter a fantastical nostalgic dream world full of holy scriptures and clandestine attic forts full of milk and cookies. They just have to complicate everything, no matter how dumb it is. No wonder they’re all so grumpy.

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Three O’Clock Sigh

Link To Today’s

Yup, sometimes not dying more or less works out for a person, I guess. In Westview it could go either way, of course, but sure, not dying was worth it for young Batton, I suppose, in a way, if you really think about it. His tens of loyal readers no doubt feel likewise, although if he had died upon learning of the future existence of comic book stores his comic strip would have never existed thus wouldn’t have had any fans, but whatever. It’s wry comic book-based banter, it’s not supposed to “be funny” or “make sense”.

The annoying thing about this one is how earnest John is. If he was wryly smirking it’d almost be a gag, but he appears to be serious, which means the gag (as it were) is actually that John is a mentally defective imbecile. This has already been firmly established, so it’s kind of overkill if you ask me.

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Batton Down The Hatches

Link To This One

It’s nice to see that good ol’ Batton survived the local “KOVID” scare unscathed. KOVID was a purely Westviewian viral strain, transmitted only through old comic book paper. It left many survivors with a complete inability to properly appreciate Silver Age comic books, which obviously led to rampant binge drinking and countless suicides. Some experts have speculated that the milk and cookies trade in Westview may never fully recover. The vaccine has some unfortunate side effects, for example an inability to properly grip pizza slices and a precipitous drop in overall wryness, leading many Westviewians to question whether the cure is actually worse than the disease.

But yeah, anyhow, this Batton guy just might be the single most obnoxious “new” Act III character of them all, for obvious reasons. It’s all just so shameless. The wry, self-deprecating banter about how obscure he is, that overly sincere smirk, the way John had to mention the character by his full name just so confused readers would know who the hell he is, it all just makes me sick and quite frankly totally ruined my whole f*cking Monday. It’s a pain my fellow SoSF hosts (and everyone else really but especially them) know all too well. You’re waiting to see what the next arc will be, then you discover it’s a f*cking Batton Thomas arc and you just groan in disgust. Happens with a lot of characters, now that I think about it.

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Because “Weirdos R Us” Was Already Taken

Link To Today’s Strip

Uh, I honestly don’t think “We Buy Comics” is any dumber than “Komix Korner” is. In fact, it’s actually far LESS stupid when you think about it. I mean would YOU eat at a place called “Kookie Kastle” or “The Ice Kreamery”? I know I’d keep driving, I can tell you that. But “Eat Here” or “Pizza”…that’s right to the point. A business like that has no time to waste on cutesy wordplay, they get you in and get you out. Continue reading

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Pulp Frisson

Link To Today’s Strip

Man, I really hate it when I’m at the creepy local comic book shop trying to buy a copy of a ridiculously-titled comic book I’ve never heard of before and some Owen-esque little dirtbag excitedly blurts out the entire plot before I even complete the transaction, I’ll tell you what. So obviously I TOTALLY RELATED to this one!

Just kidding. Only two people on the planet relate to this one and they’re the guy who writes this dreck and the guy he buys his comic books from. Almost all FW gags are bad and quite a few of them are really hokey, but this is kind of the worst of both worlds. This gag was tiresome back when people were spoiling Shakespeare’s plays.

And check it out, is that a two dollar bill in that asshole’s hand? That would be the most Komix Korner thing ever, some big spender whipping out a fat stack of twos and buying every issue of “Rip Tide: Scuba Cop” in the place. You know, speaking of “Rip Tide: Scuba Cop” I gotta admit…that title just very well might be the single greatest thing he’s done in Act III. It really sticks with you, ya know? Way more so than “Starbuck Jones” (I’ve always wondered if that was an inside coffee gag but I think it was more of a dumb coincidence) or (gak) “The Inedible Pulp”. I quite frankly want to see more Rip, but I’m not holding my breath. Get it?

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And Then Deprussian Set In

Link To Today’s Strip

So John decided to just stop by WHS to see if Becky, his wife, needed a ride home? How does she usually get home? Couldn’t he have just called her first?

Heh heh, that’s a good one, as everyone knows how regimented that Prussian army used to be. See, this is an example of our pal BatDerp trying too hard not to inadvertently offend someone. The German army, the Russian army, the US army…someone somewhere might take offense, but the Prussian army?

“Dear Akron Daily Bugle,

The “Funky Winkerbean” comic strip that ran on December 22nd was very offensive to all Prussian army veterans, as it implied that the Prussian military was very tightly-wound and regimented. My experience in the Prussian army was quite the opposite, as our commanders always promoted a relaxed and genial atmosphere. I demand a retraction and must insist that you stop publishing this blatant anti-Prussian propaganda at once.”

Not bloody likely. Anyhow, it’s pretty pathetic to see Becky STILL having to point out the differences between herself and the guy she replaced as band director a hundred years ago. “I do things differently than Harry did”…well good for you, Becky.

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