Tag Archives: Chester the Chiseler

Why, just why?-day, April 20

Today’s strip was not available preview, so it is time to dive into the archives to find answers to the questions that YOU, the loyal and hearty SOSF readers, want to know!

Today’s question comes from B.D. Idenitpicker from Picher, Oklahoma.

When did Pete get those bags under his eyes? Was he born with them?

The answer, obviously, is yes. Pete’s eye bags were visible on ultrasound. But, I know you all are here for archival evidence, so lets see some, shall we?

FW9-2-98
Here’s Pete’s first appearance in the fall of 1998 and… what? No bags? Or are Pete’s eye bags all we see here around his nose, not his eyes themselves? I subscribe to the latter theory.

FW9-4-98
Pete’s bags are on clear display in this strip, where much-missed Act II arsonist Mooch Myers takes Durwood’s property with no intention of returning it. I would like to see more of this, actually.

FW9-10-98
Pete’s bags grew considerably here in this strip, where he creepily pines for his best friend’s future wife.

FW9-11-98
And they grow further still when talking about his parent’s divorce, because Act II was all about EVERYONE having a personal raincloud.

There you have it, sports fans. Pete has never gotten enough sleep, or learned about antihistamines. Until next time, keep sending in those post cards!

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Does This Spell The End?

Having been informed in today’s strip that the name of his newfound comic book company is already trademarked, Chester decides to employ the strategy of phonetic misspelling that made the TurboGrafx-16 the number one name in video games.

I find this strip to be fairly discordant because of the use of “Grandpa Google” combined with the revelation that an Atomic Comics already once existed. First, “Grandpa Google”… please stop trying to either make this a thing people say or pretend that it already is a thing people say. It is not and it never will be. However, stupid as it is, I can allow that it is some kind of in-universe slang. But that brings in the second point of discord. If this is a fictional universe in which people say “Grandpa Google” without being blackmailed then why does “Atomic Comics” have to be an unusable trademark? Skirting a real-life trademark is a spectacularly uninteresting story arc, not to mention that “Atomik Komix” isn’t likely to stave off a lawsuit that “Atomic Comics” would invite anyways. This makes the set up of The Phantom Menace look like Macbeth.

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Drivel Of Dreams

Is today’s strip really about circa-2015 Billy Joel visiting one of those closed factories he sings about in “Allentown”? Oh don’t we all wish it was…

I would guess that the T-square nailed to the wall is supposed to tell us that this office has been unoccupied since the “Batty Batom Bullpen” (ugh, there are more endearing nicknames found in early 70s Harvey Comics) moved out in the spring of 1972. Real endorsement of the Cleveland economy there… I’m amazed this building is fit for occupancy. I mean, the Pontiac Silverdome was condemned after sitting idle for all of 3 years. Anyways, if you missed Monday and Tuesday’s strips, today’s is a near-verbatim restatement of their contents.

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Did he haggle more than the average building-buyer?

Pete, Pete, Pete… When you agree to take a job for a madman, you don’t question him. One can only hope that is the lesson learned in tomorrow’s strip. In today’s strip, however, nothing so interesting is happening. Nothing interesting at all is happening.

What is happening:
– Chester is excited that he bought a building, which might not be as impressive an accomplishment as it sounds if this structure is located in certain parts of Cleveland.
– Pete and Durwood are both too dense to realize that the Batom Comics fanboy who has just hired them is totally going to make them work in this dilapidated, asbestos-ridden structure.
– This story arc is no closer to its greatly-desired conclusion.

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What’s Eaton You Two?

Today’s strip takes place in the morning? The morning after Pete and Durwood’s night trip to Marianne Winters’ jumping off point? No wonder Durwood’s eyelids are so heavy and Pete… well Pete has the same bags under his eyes that he always has. Bet he had to gate check those on the red-eye flight to Cleveland, no way they would fit in the overhead bins.

Buckle up for the seventh consecutive week (!!!) of this Atomic Comics story arc. I’m pretty sure George H. W. Bush was president when this thing began. Looks like we’ll be in the wallowing in Batom Comics nostalgia phase of the story this week. Goody goody…

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Dork & Mindy

Link To Today’s Anticlimax

More like Chester Humblebrag, amirite? I like how Pete announces that Mindy is calling, like he had to prove there was really only one virgin in the room or something. As I hypothesized earlier this week, could this be Batnard’s way of moving these two imbeciles back to ol’ Westview Towne or is it just the usual collection of totally unrelated events that won’t ever lead anywhere? Only time…lots and lots and lots of time…will tell.

So apparently Chester collects pretty much everything. “Would you like to see my Beatles “butcher” cover/first edition Legos/collection of rare Yoo-Hoo bottle caps/baseball cards of every single Tampa Bay Ray ever/collection of pre-industrial age gynecological instruments?”. At least the reasons behind Chester’s bachelorhood were made abundantly clear this week, he’s the spoiled kid everyone hated who’d “be your friend” if you’d hang around and let him show you all his cool stuff. His bizarre lifestyle, that feeble “presentation”, the collectibles, the facial hair…it all paints a picture all right, a very very sad picture.

So naturally these two idiots will pounce all over his stupid offer…eventually…only to rue the day when they accepted his daffy proposal. I hope Boy Lisa and Jessica end up with a spare room and a cot, as the apartment over Montoni’s is currently occupied by yet another forty-something year old kid “just starting out” so Pete’s shit out of luck there. I’m looking forward to Jessica’s unbelievably unrealistic reaction upon learning that her husband has once again made an important life decision without talking to her first, which seems to be a real trend with this Boy Lisa guy.

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Ticking Away The Moments That Make Up A Dull Forty-Six Years

Link To Today’s Thing

Sigh. Like five interminable weeks wasn’t “enough time”. This might be BatNard’s way of bringing Pete and Boy Lisa back into the Westview fold, although I don’t know of anyone who’s been clamoring for that to happen or what difference it could possibly make, unless he’s planning some sort of sick “Crankshaft” crossover wedding with that Mindy chick or something…(shudder). I certainly wouldn’t put it past him.

I like how business in the Funkyverse moves every bit as slowly as everything else does. It took well over a month to just get to Chester’s pitch and now we’re forced to wait some more while these two morons ponder their decision? Not that I can entirely blame them for being disoriented and confused, as Chester’s entire pitch consisted of a comic book nostalgia rant and an old stock photo of an atom bomb test blast.

This whole stupid arc is way funnier if you just substitute pizza for comic books. Pete and Boy Lisa are busy in Pizzaland writing the new Pizzaman movie when wealthy pizza mogul Chester Pizzamore contacts them about a new pizza proposal. Chester, who became wealthy after stealing Golden Age pizzas from the pizzeria where he worked as a boy, is sick and tired of these grim n’ gritty newfangled pizzas and wants to bring back the pizza he enjoyed as a young boy, without all the fancy toppings and calzones and deep-dishes and etc. Just good pizza where you have no problem separating the crust from the slice. Pete and Boy Lisa become confused, then take a break for lunch. See? It’s a vast improvement.

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