Link To Today’s Slice O’ Holiday Cheer
Beck I hear you calling
But I can’t come home right now,
Me and the band are in shambles,
And Harry ain’t around
Just a few more hours
And he’ll tell me what to do,
I think I hear him cackling,
Oh Beck, what can I do?
Sorry. Sorry about the post title too. Maybe one day we’ll have a big SoSF contest and YOU can try to title these things. Trust me, aside from reading the strip it’s the hardest thing about this. Anyhow, today we see WHS’ incredibly lax security exposed, as John blithely saunters into the school toting some hot chocolate for his right-handed bride Becky without as much as a “visitor” pass to identify himself. Shameful in this day and age. Apparently our armless pal Becky needs to burn the midnight oil and spend endless nights toiling over having her band play some basic Christmas standards for an hour and apparently there’s some sort of cutting edge band software involved as well, software I assume Dinkle invented. I like how she has to identify her own husband by his full name so “casual” FW readers will know they’re married, as how else would they? I bet that if you were to (ugh) go back and check out the entirety of (gak) Act III Becky and John are in maybe ten or fifteen panels together total. Ten or fifteen too many if you ask me.
This has been mentioned in the comments before, but isn’t it, uh…”interesting” how every FW character’s “passion” is always depicted as a thankless miserable chore? Drawing comic books, making pizza, writing maudlin cancer books, playing tennis, teaching music…no one ever actually enjoys these pursuits, they merely endure them. It’s just a thought, but perhaps FW might be more popular if only its worldview wasn’t so perpetually downbeat. But you already knew that.
Link To Today’s Disappointment
At first glance I thought Becky was holding that coffee mug with her severed hand and I was like “whoa…continuity error”! But alas, it’s not even that interesting. Just more “insider” band humor courtesy of (sigh) Dinkle…Mr. Music himself. Gotta dump those leftover band gags somewhere, I suppose.
Link To Today’s Strip
That’s right Becky, let’s not go around patting YOU on the back for merely using Harry’s band candy fund raising idea, YOU just did the work and put in the effort. Dinkle is, as always, the real hero here, as he used to be “wacky and zany” a long, long time ago. Remember? Huh? Well do ya?
Still though, it isn’t his worst gag ever, although there’s no way this is the first time he’s used this joke. As irritating as Dinkle is this is just your typical end-of-year FW fare, filler material he used to check off those last few weeks back when he was stuffing 2018 into the big self-addressed envelope The Syndicate provided for that purpose. Even he gets visibly tired of Becky after two or three days of her one-armed moping. The new guy did do a fine job with her pinned-up sleeves this week though, he got the folds exactly right. Kudos to him.
Link To Today’s Thing
Yes, Harry. We all vividly recall how you invented the concept of “crowdfunding” with your m**herf*cking door-to-door band f*cking candy fund raising drives. Geez, what a windbag. So apparently using a mouse and a keyboard at the same time is no biggie for ol’ Becks, as she’s gotten the Scapegoats Marching Band in on this whole “social media” fad all the kids are into with the phones and such. Honestly (and I’m just speaking for myself here) if I lived in Westview I’d definitely prefer to order my band candy online than to have Owen or Bernie at my door, that’s for damn sure. I mean life in that town is hard enough given the limited dining and reading options and how it snows non-stop for months at a stretch.
Perhaps Principal Nate and the WHS admin staff might want to consider the possibility that Becky’s shitty job performance could be attributed to Dinkle distracting her with his constant inexplicable presence. Just a thought.
Link To Today’s Strip
Well, at least that highly disturbing Morty and Holly’s mom arc appears to be over, thank God. This week we’re switching gears and visiting good old Westview High to see what the good old Scapegoats band is up to during this, the most holiest of all seasons. And, to no one’s surprise at all, everything is still exactly the same. Beleaguered and perpetually harried band director Becky still has one arm and still relies heavily on her predecessor, who “retired” eleven or fifteen or seventeen or twenty years ago (no one is really sure) for basic teaching advice.
At this point I am contractually obligated to point out yet again that if BatDolt hadn’t ruined the Dinkle character by using him to generate totally unnecessary Dinkle pathos where none was needed or wanted, he’d still be able to do Dinkle-style band gags without finding a way to work that miserable one-armed woman into the strip. It’s kind of weird how he kept her around to have a disabled person presence in the strip yet she’s by far one of the most hapless and helpless characters in it, which IMO kind of belies the whole point. But hey, it’s only Monday, maybe (sigh) this time will be different.
Link to today’s strip
Someone, please, make it stop. Today we see just how bad a marching band gag can get, as BatNom reaches the bottom of the barrel, plunges his fist straight through it and grabs a handful of slug and worm-riddled soil beneath said barrel…just because he can. See, the horrible marching band full of useless slacker teens wins SO MANY TROPHIES that they actually need an ENTIRE BUILDING to house them. And fortunately for the marching band, WHS JUST HAPPENS to have an entire building to SELL to the perennially-cash strapped band, which is rather fortuitous if I do say so myself. Everyone wins! Well, almost everyone, as regular FW readers might not consider Becky’s truly obnoxious Dinkle-esque cackle as being a “win”. I do like that weird angle in panel two, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her pinned-up sleeve from that perspective before.
Link to today’s strip
Good ol’ FW, always with that smirking contempt for things BanTom likes. So to reiterate, the WHS marching band is a deeply competitive, proud and Ohio-renowned institution full of lazy talent-less slackers whose parents actually receive awards for enduring the shrill horrifying noises their offspring produce when they practice, which according to FW lore is extremely rare. Got that?
And no band parent has it worse than those whose children play the dreaded flutophone. Sandy’s actually handling it better than some other band parents, as overeating is preferable to the alcohol and illegal drugs some band parents need to make it through even one more day of that incessant racket…award-winning racket, I might add. It must be quite an honor to receive an award plaque from Becky. Not because of the award itself which of course is totally meaningless, but because it’s just harder for Becky to hand things to other people, what with the missing arm and all.
Link to today’s strip
Fortunately “Hattie” didn’t turn into the pianist, as we all know how painful THAT can be. Once again BanTom finds “humor” in the college sports analogies, this time resorting to absolutely fail-safe comedic gold…head injuries and wordplay. You can’t go wrong there, no sir-ee. Onward drag the marching band gags, at this point I can’t even remember what FW was like before the band gags began. Was it always like this? Did anything else…at all…happen before this brutal onslaught of marching band jokes? Talk about “concussion protocol”, I feel like I’ve been beaten with a sweat sock full of padlocks over here.
Hattie?? Who the hell has named their kid Hattie since the 1920s? Come on, BatNom, get with the times and choose a more era-appropriate name, like Susaynn or Jocelynn or Brittanee or Kyrrsten or Ambyre or Rayne. Even “Hattye” would be more believable.
Link to today’s strip
“Recruiting violations”…uh, yeah. Whatever you say there, Lefty. I like how the audience is exchanging knowing smirks, like it’s somehow funny that WHS’ main rival is a bunch of dirty cheaters. Maybe tomorrow he’ll do a hysterical riff on Big Walnut’s history of hazing, doping allegations, sexual misconduct and kickbacks too, just to bring this idiotic sports analogy full-circle.
As I mentioned (complained about) last week, these stupid band gags still rely on the pretense of Dinkle’s overall nuttiness from back when he was the insane “win at all costs” tyrant who’d make students practice in monsoons and band majorettes immolate themselves for halftime entertainment. Without that pretense this is just a boring one-armed woman making smug wisecracks, which except for the arm thing neatly describes almost every other FW strip.