Tag Archives: Adeela

Deportation Orders Don’t Upset Us!

Link To Today’s Strip

Mistaken identity, the cold unfeeling hand of law enforcement and government red tape, the forces of The Universe constantly conspiring to destroy the spirits of the little people…(zzzzzzzzz).

Oh, where were we? Oh yeah, Adeela got arrested and they’re going to deport her immediately unless…(zzzzzzz). Oops, sorry, that keeps happening for some reason. Methinks this ponderous story might have a wee bit more “impact”, let’s say, if I or anyone else actually gave a shit about Adeela and her sad cadre of annoying Montoni’s pals. But we don’t and it doesn’t. Like every Act III prestige arc, it has all the impact of a soggy paper towel landing in a wastebasket and unlike the soggy paper towel you don’t even get the satisfaction of making the shot when you toss it in.

Coming soon: Adeela continues being worried. The Gang continues to be concerned. Someone tries to help but is thwarted by The Universe, then someone else somehow saves the day. Pizza is served and consumed and smirks are exchanged.

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Development: Arrested

Link To Today’s Strip

Looks like they were going to see some weird foreign film. Anyhow, today we see a desperate and frightened Adeela reach out to the only person who could possibly help…Wally. Yep, this should end well.

Why is Rachel smirking at Buddy like that? She’s a real odd duck, that one. And check out Buddy, it’s like he KNOWS there’s trouble. What a good boy.

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That’s The Bit

Link To Today’s Strip

At first glance I was like “whoa, Wally’s cell phone vibration mode is so powerful it’s torn completely through his suit jacket!”, but then I quickly realized it was just crappy art. It’s nice to know that our beloved Buddy still exists, as he hasn’t been seen in a while, but as usual BatYap gives him absolutely nothing to do. Free Buddy!

So they decided to skip Montoni’s and go to that stinky old decrepit movie house instead? Or will they hit Montoni’s after? I think we all know the answer to that question. I wonder what they were going to see before Adeela ruined Date Night again?

“Honey? “Doctor Obvious Versus The Time Gargoyles” is playing at The Valentine tonight! It’s a sci-fi musical from 1947 starring Wallace Beery! Can we go? Can we? Huh?”

“(Sigh) I guess.”

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Pizza Forfeiture

Link To Today’s Strip

The ICE agent snacking on the pizza represents the cold soulless hand of an unfeeling bureaucracy and so forth. Sigh. Obviously Adeela needs to get in touch with The Gang in order to straighten this unfortunate kerfuffle out, but her phone is bricked, so I dunno. It’d be way funnier if they really did ship her off to Iraq on the 8:15 out of Columbus but I seriously doubt she’s going anywhere except (sigh) back to Montoni’s, where she’ll make some sort of weakly wry quip about how she’s still better off in Westview.

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Supermarket Sweep

Link To Today’s Strip

Computers…can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. The “facial recognition software” at the supermarket (!) targeted poor, poor Adeela, who apparently looks JUST LIKE the OTHER Adeela in Westview and yadda yadda yadda “we’re just doing our jobs as dispassionately as possible” and so forth. So it’s off to the Westview House Of Detention, which I imagine looks just like the Mayberry jail, only with comic books and pizza. Crappy comic books and cold pizza, natch.

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Salih! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

Link To Today’s Strip

“Mommy? Why is Funky so sad? And why is he dressed like that?”. The ol’ mistaken identity gag, of course. They all look alike to those mean mustachioed ICE agents, amirite? Man alive, this thing is a f*cking trudge, yet another strip where all relevant information could have fit in one panel thus moving the story three times faster. Which would still be achingly slow, mind you, but three times faster is three times faster.

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Like A Shit Brickhouse

Link To Sunday’s

The thing finally happened, on a Sunday no less, which of course means it’ll happen again tomorrow. Perhaps they could deport Adeela to a city in dire need of architects, as the idea that this self-made immigrant is somehow supporting herself by being fifth in command at a failing local pizzeria gets dumber every time I ponder it, which is rarely.

I think the arc should just end right here. Adeela just disappears and is never heard from or mentioned by name again. Then in a few years Wally could do something stupid and quote her out of context with that annoying snide-yet-dunderheaded look on his dumb face.

“My old Muslim friend whose name escapes me always used to say that mozzarella is the saffron of the common folk.”

“Wow, your Muslim friend must have really been quite a character!”

“She was, Rachel, she was!”

I mean who would even care? Maybe forty people in the world even know who the hell Adeela is and if you were to poll those forty people and ask them they would unanimously not give a shit. She’d be like the Russian in “The Sopranos” or Becky’s mom, an enduring mystery for die-hard fans (chortle) to forever ponder.

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You Should Never Have Opened That Door

Today’s Strip Link To

And today the pace hits absolute zero. Something HAS to “happen” now, as we’re at peak entropy (Batiuktropy). The laws of comic strip physics simply will not allow BatTrudge to drag this scenario out any further.

Coming tomorrow: a rare Sunday single panel strip featuring an Adeela silhouette saying “hello?”.

Monday: “Hello?”

Tuesday: “Hmmm. There doesn’t seem to be anyone here. It’s dark and scary. I will proceed further.”

Wednesday: ICE agent silently watches.

Thursday: ICE agent: “Hold tight, team, she’s almost….”.

Friday: “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE SCUMBAG!”

Saturday: shocked Adeela.

Sunday: “What is this that is happening to me?”

Prove me wrong, Mr. Pulitzer Nominee sir, prove me wrong.

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The Night The Lights Went Out In Westview

Link To Friday’s Strip

It’s like that scene in “Goodfellas” near the end where Jimmy tries to lure Karen into a shady storefront under the pretense of giving her boosted clothes so he can presumably kill her. Only way dumber and with terrible dialog. And pizza. I mean didn’t Adeela grow up in the most dangerous country in the world? Surely she’s not dumb enough to fall for THIS old gag…is she?

And why do the cops need to set up this elaborate ruse to ensnare Adeela in the first place? Couldn’t they have just raided Montoni’s, busted the place up, tased her and dragged her away? I mean look at her, she’s pretty much a female Funky in a hijab, it’s not like she’s going to run away or get very far if she does. But here they are, setting up a whole pizza sting operation, complete with tails and fake storefronts. What was the plan if Cory or Our Other Delivery Guy showed up? The plot holes are more like gaping plot maws now, creating their own inexorable story-sucking gravity and swallowing all common sense and plausibility.

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Suspense…(sigh)…Builds

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Good Lord. No one else tells stories like this. No one else has ever even considered it, in fact. He telegraphs exactly what’s going to happen days in advance then takes for-f*cking-ever to get there. If she just says “hmmm, looks empty, I’d better call them” in the first panel the story is suddenly going three times faster. But our pal BatHak simply doesn’t do things that way. If he ever made a movie it’d be thirty hours long AFTER editing.

And it’s not like we’re gaining any insight about the character here, as she’s just thinking out loud for some reason. Those word balloons really should be thought bubbles.

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